You walk through a dark hallway in a daze, confused as to how you got there. You are barefoot and shirtless, wearing an old pair of sweatpants, and you realize that you can't remember where you put them last time you wore them. You can't see in front of you, so you use your hands to guide you, reaching out to either side to feel your way slowly forward. There is no sound except the shuffling of your feet along the cold cement floor and the roaring of wind off in the distance.
A soft light appears ahead of you, cold and diffused. You make your way towards it, becoming more and more confident with your footing as it brightens your surroundings.
The closer you get, however, the dimmer it becomes, until at last it is gone and you are enveloped by blackness once again.
Story of your life.
You give up, sliding down the stone wall into yourself. You crouch in the darkness, feeling colder and colder, alone with yourself. With your thoughts.
Of only you knew what you wanted, you think, then you could get out of here. If only you knew what you had.
You've heard people say that loneliness is comforting. It's not. They are full of shit. You've always had people around, some care more than others, but none of them care the way you want them too. Or need them to.
You contemplate your life in that dark hallway, wind roaring in the distance, hunkered down on the cement floor. You think about the life of ruin women have brought upon you from birth. Rejected by your own mother, who decided to abandon you before you were even born. Your adoptive mother who gave you up in her own way, who gave you a shot until your brother came along and became the son she really wanted. Every woman you've ever loved left you at some point, every time for some other man who worked better for them than you, if not on paper than in her own mind.
And that's all that matters really, paper is useless without intent. You sit, wallowing in your own mind, looking for answers that will never come, for there are none.
We live, we sleep, we dream, and sometimes it feels like we will never wake up.
