You are starting to lose track of time. How long has it been? 15 minutes? 2 hours? A lifetime?
Too long. You wish it would be over. And then you get a flash of guilt, regret, a pang of longing to just be happy and make it all end. You could make it stop, just by picking up the phone and dialing 911, but the phone is so far away. And you're so tired.
So, so tired.
Wait, what's on TV now? You realize that you have no idea what is playing, or how long it's been on.
Something about houses for sale. Some dumb couple from Michigan or someplace midwestern shopping for a house they can't afford. That won't do.
Flip.
Nightly news.
Flip.
Infomercial.
Flip.
Comedy Central.
How long has it been? 15 minutes? 2 hours? A lifetime?
Woah, deja vu.
Flip.
Some sitcom.
Flip.
Some criminal investigation drama.
That'll have to do. You have no energy to flip anymore.
It starts to kick in, what you've done. Besides the effect of the pills, the awareness of what you've done is starting to kick in. It's crazy. Absolutely insane.
You start to wonder if you should have left a suicide note, and then realize the only one who will care that you're gone is Maya. And either she doesn't exist, or you'll be with her soon - forever.
The TV is starting to sound funnny. Echoey. You realize that you couldn't get off of the couch if you wanted to. You try, just for something to do, and your body doesn't respond. You don't move.
This is it.
"I hope this works" you think to yourself as you close your eyes...
